Blonde and BingoFULL

Kate was playing bingo, and had taken her blond friend, Janet, with her.  After a while, every time a number was called, Janet would look over Kate’s shoulder, and if Kate had the number on her bingo card, Janet would tell her to mark if off.

After a number of repetitions, Kate was very annoyed.  She asked Janet:  “Why are you looking at my card the whole time?  Why don’t you play your own card?”

Janet, sounding frustrated, replied:  “I can’t – it’s full!”

Bingo Balls

Patient:  Doctor, I woke up this morning, and all I can see are bingo balls in front of my eyes.

Doctor:  Well, have you seen an optometrist?

Patient:  Umm, no – just the bingo balls!

Choices

A husband and wife had been arguing recently about how much time the husband spends at bingo.

Wife:  Okay, dear.  It is time to decide.  Is it me, or is it bingo – make your choice!

Husband:  (After thinking for a very short time.)  I’m going to miss you, darling!

How You Play the Game!!

You should know, that whoever sits in a bingo hall and tells all their fellow players that “It’s not whether you win or lose that counts, but how you play the game”, probably LOST!

Air Force Bingo

Question:  In bingo, what is the favorite number for Air Force pilots?

Answer:  The favorite number for Air Force pilots is… B-52

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bingo!
Bingo who?
Bingo-ing to visit other friends and now I’m visiting you.

I Always Win!

Two friends, Milly and Mary went to play bingo machines together at their local Bingo Hall.  They agreed before beginning to play that whoever finished first would go and wait in the lounge area after she had lost all the money she’d set aside to play with that evening.  Milly lost her alloted money very quickly, and as agreed, went to sit in the lounge and waited for Mary.  She began by waiting patiently, and then after waiting and waiting and waiting, she was starting to get a bit agitated.  Surely Mary couldn’t still be playing!  Finally, she sees Mary walking towards her with a very large bag of coins.  Milly is somewhat taken aback.  Mary asks her how she did, and she tells her “Well, you can see I’m sitting here waiting for you… how well could I have done?  But it looks like you have done very well, and hit the jackpot or something!”  “Yes”, Mary agreed, “I found the most amazing gaming machine!  It’s right in the back of the hall.  It’s incredible – you can’t lose!  Every time you put in a dollar, four quarters come out!”

On Bingo Addiction

Doctor:  Mr Jones, I think you’re addicted to bingo.  Perhaps you should only play some days of the week.

Mr Jones:  Okay, Doctor.  From now on, I’ll only play games on days of the week that end in a Y.

Question:  How do you get a refined Southern belle to say the f-word?
Answer:  Get another refined Southern belle to shout out “bingo!”

Knock Knock

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Bee-Eye
Bee Eye who?
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and Bingo was his name-O!

Bingo Callers Also Change Light Bulbs

Question:  How many bingo callers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:  One, on his own, just the one!

Rats Play Bingo Too!

Question:  What do rats say then they begin to play a game of bingo?
Answer:  Eyes down for a full mouse!

Checking Your Balance

An old lady was playing bingo and she ran out of money to buy a new bingo card.  She decided to give it up for the evening and go home.  She left the bingo hall, and very nearby, she saw an ATM.  Excited at the prospect of continuing play, and not having to go home early, she decided to make a cash withdrawal.  Not having used an ATM in quite a while, and finding it a little difficult to see at night, she asked a young man to help her check her balance – so he pushed her over!

Blondes and Bingo

The All Blonde Bingo Hall was having a ladies only night.  You had to be blonde to get in.  The caller was doing his thing, but the night had been very boring, and was beginning to draw to a close.  Not one of the ladies had said Bingo all night!  There was a large bingo prize in the pot, just waiting to be won.

It was finally the last game of the evening, and the game, as the others had, dragged on and on and on.  Nearly every blond had to be getting ready for the big blackout.  Finally, the caller, quite excitedly, after the rather dreary evening, calls the last number.  The silence in the hall was too much for him.  There were no shouts of “Bingo!”, and there were no more numbers to call!

The caller, who couldn’t stand it any longer, threw the bingo machine off the stage, and looked around the room at the stunned ladies.  In a somewhat uncontrolled voice, he shouts to them that all ninety numbers have already been called, and that nobody has yet called a bingo.  He asks “Please, ladies, tell me, what are you waiting for?”  In unison, the response from all four hundred blondes is “FREE SPACE!”

Old Man Scores at Bingo!

An old man, Solly, and three old women – Mabel, Beverly and Gertrude, were sitting together at the table in the bingo hall.  After a number of games, the old man, who had not won a game for some years, got a bingo and leapt up excitedly.  After some jumping up and down, Solly’s pants fell down, and exposed him to the surprised ladies.  Beverly and Gertrude each had a stroke, but Mabel couldn’t reach!

Trivia Question

Question:  What has a whole lot of little balls and screws old ladies all the time?

Answer:  A bingo machine!

Will This be Cash or Credit?

The other night, some of my close friends and I went to a specially arranged women’s night at the local Bingo Club.  Seeing as it was an all women event, they put on some male dancers for us.

We’d never been to an evening like this, and one of my friends, wanting to impress the rest of us pulled out a $10 note.  When the male dancer came closer to us, she waved him over and he danced right in front of her.  My friend licked the $10 note, and very smoothly stuck it onto the dancer’s butt cheek!

My second friend, who did not want to be outdone, after the dancer had danced over to another table, called the dancer back, removed a $20 note from her wallet, and quickly licked it and stuck it onto the dancer’s other butt-cheek!

My third friend, who also really wanted to impress us, and the rest of the cheering crowd, pulled out a $50 note, also called the male dancer back to us while he was dancing in front of another table, and licked the $50 note.  At this stage, I was worried about where she was going to put it, but thankfully, she simply stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

The dancer danced away from our table, and I breathed a sigh of relief.  I had been so worried he would dance over to me too!  It seems, however, that he realized that he was doing very well at our table, and my relief was very short-lived.  He gyrated his way back to our table and danced directly in front of me!!!

Not being sure what to do… and not wanting to give in to the dancer, who was egging me on to top the $50, I put my brain into high gear – I had to figure something out!!  And quickly!

The whole hall focused on me… and the woman in me took over!  I too out my ATM card, swiped it down his butt crack, made a withdrawal, and grabbed the eighty dollars!

Everyone has their favourite Bingo story. I suspect that the tale I’m about to recount has been rattling around for years, but my nan swears she was there for this first one. Then again, she swears a lot, my nan. Especially if someone yells out “House!” before her.

Anyway, as the story goes, my nan is down her local bingo hall of a Tuesday night. She’s always there Tuesdays, something about a fit bloke that calls the numbers out. You have to watch my nan. Actually it’s more like he better watch her.

So she’s played a few bingo cards and got absolutely nowhere, which makes her a bit antsy like, especially as her arch rival Gladys from 2B across the way has called two lines this evening already and will no doubt be rubbing it in her face at tea tomorrow.

So in an effort to get ahead she buys four cards for the next bingo game. Her luck has got to change soon and besides, there’s a guaranteed £200 up for this game.

She’s got them spread out in front of her, and she’s daubing away madly, when she starts to be aware of the conversation between these two “blue haired old ladies” next to her. My nan is 82, by the way, and doesn’t consider herself old.

The first lady is being all busybody like. Every time the fit bloke up front calls a number, she leans over to her mate and says, “You’ve got that number, Muriel, just there, mark it off.”

Her mate has a look and goes, “Oh aye, Myffanwy, I do, thank you,” and daubs it with her big marker.

This goes on for a bit, and eventually it’s really starting to annoy my nan, partly because she’s really not doing well and partly because the first woman has a really grating, sing-song voice. By the fifth time this happens, my nan has had enough.

Leaning forward, she pokes the woman on the shoulder with the back end of her dauber and says, “Look here, love, no disrespect but why don’t you shut up and concentrate on your own card, then?”

“Can’t,” says the woman.

“Why’s that?” enquires my nan.

“It’s full already,” the woman replies.

Some people, eh?

Written by Charlene Grey for BingoStreet.com – Check out the latest bingo news now!

A wife comes home at 3am, wearing an enormous diamond ring. Her husband meets her at the door and asks her where she got the ring
“I won it playing BINGO”?, she says, “run me a bath will you, I want to soak.”

The next night the wife comes home at 3am again, this time she’s wearing a beautiful fur coat. Again her husband meets her at the door and asks her where the coat came from.

“I won again at the BINGO”?, she says, “now be a darling and run me a bath will you?”?

The next night the wife gets home at 3am, this time driving a brand new convertible. Her husband meets her at the door and asks her where on earth she got the new car from.

“Can you believe it, I won it playing BINGO! Now run me a bath so I can relax.”?

She undresses, goes into the bathroom and then comes right back out. “Why did you only put one inch of water in the bathtub?” she asks.

“Well,”? her husband answers, “I didn’t want you to get your bingo card wet”

A man goes to the doctor. The doc checks him over, and says “Sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so-called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There’s nothing I can do for you – just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.”So back he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he’s never been there before.

He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners – prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house – and wins a grand. The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000.

The Bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says “Son – I’ve never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house & the national grid – I’ve never met anyone so lucky.”

“Lucky??” the man replies, “lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got yellow 24.”

“Dear me,” says the bingo caller with a chuckle, “you’ve won the bloody raffle as well!”?

What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?

Betty!

What do rodents say when they play bingo?

‘Eyes down for a full mouse!’

How many bingo callers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, on his own, just the one!

Pat and Mick are playing Bingo.at keeps looking over Mick’s shoulder saying, “Mick you’ve got that number, mark it off. Ooh you’ve got that number, mark it off”?.

After putting up with this for some time Mick gets annoyed, turns to Pat angrily and asks, “Look, why don’t you do your own sheet?”

Pat replies, “I can’t Mick, it’s full!”